As each year begins, many of us find ourselves setting ambitious goals, hoping to improve our lives and make the most of the months ahead. But before you dive into creating resolutions, pause and ask yourself: are these goals something you truly want, or are they things you feel you should do?

This small but powerful distinction can make a world of difference in how motivated you feel and how successful you’ll be in reaching those goals. Let’s explore the psychology behind “wants” and “shoulds” and how you can create meaningful, achievable goals that align with your true self.

Why “Want” Goals Are More Effective Than “Should” Goals

A “want” is something that aligns naturally with your values and needs. It feels light, enjoyable, and effortless because it comes from within. On the other hand, a “should” often carries a sense of obligation or pressure, as though you’re doing it to please others or meet external expectations.

For example:

• “I want to build more social connections” feels exciting and rewarding.

• “I should build more social connections” feels like a chore.

The emotional difference is profound. Research shows that adding an element of enjoyment to your goals makes them more attainable and sustainable. This means your “want” goals not only help you succeed but also make the process enjoyable.

How to Identify Your “Want” Goals

Take some time to reflect on your current goals. Actually write them down. Ask yourself:

• Do these goals feel light and exciting, or heavy and burdensome

• Are they based on my own desires, or am I trying to meet others’ expectations? Are these goals motivated by fear or inspiration?

If your goals feel rigid or forced, they may fall into the “should” category. But don’t give up! With some reframing, you can transform “should” goals into “want” goals that align with your values.

Tips to Realign Your Goals with Your True Self

Here are some fun and practical ways to set goals that resonate with your inner desires:

1. Reconnect with Positive Memories:

   Think back to moments when you felt truly happy, safe, and supported. Use a word or phrase from that memory to inspire your goal.

   Example: If “laughter” brings back joyful memories, you might set a goal like, “I want to make more connections that make me laugh.”

2. Engage with Happy People or Places:

   Surround yourself with people or places that evoke feelings of happiness and safety.

   Example: If your goal is to read more, find a peaceful spot that makes you feel good and start reading there.
   

3. Reconnect with What You Love:

   Spend time with people, hobbies, or activities that bring you joy. These connections can reignite your motivation and help you align your goals with your true values

4. Visualise Your Success:

   Picture yourself achieving your goals and focus on how it will feel. Visualisation can be a powerful motivator, giving you the confidence to keep moving forward.

The Role of Reflection and Support

Goal-setting isn’t a one-time activity. It’s an ongoing process that involves reflection, adjustments, and celebration. Regularly revisit your goals and ask yourself if they still feel like “wants.” If not, it’s okay to adapt them.

If you struggle with transforming “should” goals into “wants,” consider seeking guidance from a therapist. They can help you reframe your mindset, explore what motivates you, and support you in creating goals that are truly your own. They can also help you navigate those annoying “should” goals that are mostly hanging around out of fear, not inspiration.

Celebrate Small Wins

Every step you take toward your goals is worth celebrating. Success isn’t just about reaching the finish line—it’s about enjoying the journey and feeling good about your progress. And if you experience setbacks, be kind to yourself. Growth is never linear, and what matters most is staying connected to your “why.”

Conclusion: Embrace Goals That Feel Right for You

This year, focus on setting goals that reflect your desires and values. By choosing “want” goals over “should” goals, you’ll find yourself more motivated, more fulfilled, and more successful. Take the time to reflect, reframe, and realign your resolutions to create a life that feels authentically yours.

So, what are your “want” goals for this year? Let go of fear based goals and let your true self guide the way.